JargonJab
THE ANNEX
Welcome to the previously explored JargonJab's
Disclaimer - these Jab's may evoke giggles, headaches, and corporate PTSD.
| Jab | Definition |
|---|---|
| ALIGNMENT PARALYSIS | The complete inability to move forward caused by the obsessive need to get everyone on the same page before taking any action. |
| BANDWIDTH BALLET | The delicate dance of pretending to be busy when you’re actually just scrolling LinkedIn |
| BANDWIDTH BLACKHOLE | A project or initiative that consumes infinite resources, time, and energy while producing no measurable results or progress. |
| BATTING 1.000 IN THE FIRST INNING. | When you use all of your PTO in the first month of the year. |
| BRINING A CROUTON TO A BREAD WINNER | Comparing one's entry level yearly income to that of their CEO. |
| COSPLAYING AS MARIE ANTOINETTE | When corporate tries to raise morale during a particularly rough time through cheap donuts and cookies. |
| DECKSPLAINING | The act of over-explaining a PowerPoint deck as if it’s the Magna Carta. |
| DELIVERABLE DRIFT | The gradual mutation of project requirements as they pass through multiple teams, resulting in outputs that solve problems nobody remembers having. |
| DROPPING YOUR TOOTH IN VERMOUTH | When the intern gets a little too ambitious at their first afters and the entire company starts rethinking their hiring process. |
| GOING 20 UNDER ON THE HIGHWAY | The team has a great concept, but the planning phase is taking too long to get underway and you’re worried that a different entity will beat you to the punch. Think US/Russia Space Race. |
| HUSTLE HAMSTER | A colleague who maintains frantic, highly visible activity while producing minimal actual output; someone who mistakes motion for progress and confuses being busy with being productive. |
| IDEA TREADMILL | Generating endless ideas that go nowhere but keep you sweaty and exhausted. |
| IDEA TREADMILL | Generating endless ideas that go nowhere but keep you sweaty and exhausted. |
| IDEATION INFLATION | The phenomenon where brainstorming sessions generate increasingly grandiose concepts that bear no resemblance to the original brief or budget. |
| INBOX WHISPERER | Someone who claims they can reach inbox zero but is actually just archiving everything. |
| HIDING A GRAPE IN YOUR WAISTBAND | The act of possessing insider knowledge that could benefit your company, but refusing to share it due to the belief that you are improperly compensated for your efforts. |
| KICKBOXING WITH YOUR SHADOW | The act of repeating an action because you forgot you did it already. |
| LIVING IN AN ECHO CHAMBER | When your Teams message gets zero interaction of any sort. |
| MAROONED ON THE ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS | When you aren’t taken seriously by your superiors at work. Every time you speak it’s like they’re watching a 2-year-old Pomeranian stand up on its hind legs and dance. But hey, at least you’re entertaining (in a cute way)! |
| MONDAY MORNING CONSPIRACY THEORIST | Comparing one's entry level yearly income to that of their CEO. |
| OPTIMIZATION OVERDOSE | The counterproductive state achieved when so much testing and tweaking occurs that the original concept becomes unrecognizable and ineffective. |
| OPENING A MICHELIN STAR RESTAURANT IN JACKSONVILLE, FL | The concept of having a great idea and entrusting it to your least able employees. |
| PRIORITY PANDEMONIUM | The chaotic state when everything is labeled urgent, high-priority, or needs to go out today, rendering the concept of prioritization meaningless. |
| QUICK SYNC QUICKSAND | A brief 15-minute meeting that mysteriously expands into a 2-hour discussion about tangentially related topics, trapping all participants. |
| SIMPLICITY ASSASSINATION | The corporate practice of taking a perfectly straightforward task and systematically murdering it with processes, stakeholders, and buzzwords until changing the coffee brand requires a cross-functional team, three-phase rollout plan, and quarterly impact assessment. |
| STAKEHOLDER STALEMATE | The creative purgatory that occurs when multiple decision-makers have conflicting visions and refuse to compromise, freezing all progress. |
| SYNERGYFICATION | The never-ending process of scheduling meetings to talk about how to create more synergy. |
| TRADING SANDMAN FOR SALARY | The act of sacrificing sleep in order to get more work done. |
| TOUCH BASE TORNADO | The destructive communication pattern where the desire to touch base generates endless email chains, calls, and meetings that accomplish nothing. |
| WEARING A YARMULKE TO A QUINCEAÑERA | When you miss the mark on identifying your target audience for a product. |
| WINNING AN EMMY FOR A BLOOPER REEL | When an idea is pitched that the general employee consensus sours upon, but the project manager loves it. |